man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
