I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
