My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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