Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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