I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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