Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
