yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
