i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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