did you get engaged???
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
