I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
