Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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