She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."