Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest