I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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