I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..