Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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