I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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