I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
