he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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