totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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