Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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