The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
