Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
