just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
