Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's get the cat blown out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
