Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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