girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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