Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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