I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
