Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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