I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
