I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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