In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
