New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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