i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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