Will you blow on my dice?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
