are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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