My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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