I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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