she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish i was in the wii world.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
