I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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