My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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