We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
