Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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