Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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