I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
