i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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