But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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