mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
