Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Congratulations! We have a period
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