Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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