I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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