porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
