I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
