this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
