I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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