So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
