I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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