i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
