ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
