u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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