she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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