Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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