I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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