Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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