I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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