you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize