You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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