I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
