I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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