why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
