what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
