I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize