you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
