I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
