and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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