you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
