how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
