im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
