I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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