I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
