soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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