hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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