I got chris browned last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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